“I’m Not Waving, I’m Drowning”: An Autoethnographical Exploration of Biographical Disruption and Reconstruction During Recovery From Prescribed Benzodiazepine Use

Fixsen, Alison 2015. “I’m Not Waving, I’m Drowning”: An Autoethnographical Exploration of Biographical Disruption and Reconstruction During Recovery From Prescribed Benzodiazepine Use . Qualitative Health Research. 26 (4), pp. 466-481. https://doi.org/10.1177/1049732315576496

Title“I’m Not Waving, I’m Drowning”: An Autoethnographical Exploration of Biographical Disruption and Reconstruction During Recovery From Prescribed Benzodiazepine Use
AuthorsFixsen, Alison
Abstract

Benzodiazepines are group of drugs used mainly as sedatives, hypnotics, muscle relaxants, and anti-epileptics. Tapering off benzodiazepines is, for some users, a painful, traumatic, and protracted process. In this article, I use an autoethnographic approach, adopting the metaphor of water, to examine heuristically my experience of iatrogenic illness and recovery. I draw on personal journals and blog entries and former users’ narratives to consider the particular form of biographical disruption associated with benzodiazepines and the processes involved in identity reconstruction. I emphasize the role of the online community in providing benzodiazepine users such as myself with a co-cultural community through which to share a voice and make sense of our experiences. I explain how the success stories of former users provided me with the hope that I, the “medical victim,” could become the “victor” and in the process construct a new life and fresh identity.

Keywords Autoethnography, diaries, journals, healing, recovery, self-help, social identity, stories, storytelling
JournalQualitative Health Research
Journal citation26 (4), pp. 466-481
ISSN1049-7323
Year2015
PublisherSage
Accepted author manuscript
Digital Object Identifier (DOI)https://doi.org/10.1177/1049732315576496
Web address (URL)http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/1049732315576496
Publication dates
Published in printMar 2016
Published23 Mar 2015

Related outputs

‘You Are Not Alone, We’ve Got You’: Power Plays, Devotion, and Punishment on Healthy Eating and Pro-Eating Disorder Websites
Tragantzopoulou, P., Fixsen, Alison, Ridge, Damien T. and Cheshire, A. 2024. ‘You Are Not Alone, We’ve Got You’: Power Plays, Devotion, and Punishment on Healthy Eating and Pro-Eating Disorder Websites. Qualitative Health Research. Advanced online publication. https://doi.org/10.1177/10497323241238628

Battles over ‘unruly bodies’: Practitioners’ interpretations of eating disorders and the utility of psychiatric labelling
Fixsen, Alison, Ridge, Damien T., Ponsford, O., Holder, M. and Saran, G. 2023. Battles over ‘unruly bodies’: Practitioners’ interpretations of eating disorders and the utility of psychiatric labelling. Sociology of Health & Illness. 45 (3), pp. 560-579. https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-9566.13601

I’m Skinny, I’m Worth More: Fashion Models’ Experiences of Aesthetic Labor and Its Impact on Body Image and Eating Behaviors
Fixsen, Alison, Kossewska, Magdalena and Bardey, Aurore 2023. I’m Skinny, I’m Worth More: Fashion Models’ Experiences of Aesthetic Labor and Its Impact on Body Image and Eating Behaviors. Qualitative Health Research. 33 (1-2), pp. 81-91. https://doi.org/10.1177/10497323221141629

Is it time to change the approach of mental health stigma campaigns? An experimental investigation of the effect of campaign wording on stigma and help-seeking intentions
Hazell, C.M., Fixsen, Alison and Berry, C. 2022. Is it time to change the approach of mental health stigma campaigns? An experimental investigation of the effect of campaign wording on stigma and help-seeking intentions. PLoS ONE. 17 (8) e0273254. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0273254

Arachne, self-care and ‘power-nets’ on women’s self-development programmes
Fixsen, Alison, Ridge, Damien and Porter, Alan 2022. Arachne, self-care and ‘power-nets’ on women’s self-development programmes. Gender and Education. 34 (7), pp. 770-786. https://doi.org/10.1080/09540253.2022.2078793

Challenges and Approaches to Green Social Prescribing During and in the Aftermath of COVID-19: A Qualitative Study
Fixsen, Alison and Barrett, S. 2022. Challenges and Approaches to Green Social Prescribing During and in the Aftermath of COVID-19: A Qualitative Study. Frontiers in Psychology. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.861107

Orthorexia Nervosa: the Medicalization of Extreme Healthy Eating Practices
Fixsen, Alison and Cheshire, Anna 2022. Orthorexia Nervosa: the Medicalization of Extreme Healthy Eating Practices. in: Harbusch, Martin (ed.) Troubled Persons Industries: The Expansion of Psychiatric Categories beyond Psychiatry, Palgrave Macmillan. pp. 147-170

Supporting Vulnerable Populations During the Pandemic: Stakeholders’ Experiences and Perceptions of Social Prescribing in Scotland During Covid-19
Fixsen, Alison, Barrett, Simon and Simonovich, Michal 2022. Supporting Vulnerable Populations During the Pandemic: Stakeholders’ Experiences and Perceptions of Social Prescribing in Scotland During Covid-19. Qualitative Health Research. 32 (4), pp. 670-682. https://doi.org/10.1177/10497323211064229

Capturing the whole effect of social prescribing – meaningful outcomes and theoretical positions
Polley, M. and Fixsen, Alison 2021. Capturing the whole effect of social prescribing – meaningful outcomes and theoretical positions. European Journal of Integrative Medicine. 48 102006. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.eujim.2021.102006

Fragile minds, porous selves: Shining a light on autoethnography of mental illness
Fixsen, A. 2021. Fragile minds, porous selves: Shining a light on autoethnography of mental illness. Qualitative Social Work. https://doi.org/10.1177/14733250211046657

Weathering the storm: A qualitative study of social prescribing in urban and rural Scotland during the COVID-19 pandemic
Fixsen, A., Barrett, S. and Shimonovich, M. 2021. Weathering the storm: A qualitative study of social prescribing in urban and rural Scotland during the COVID-19 pandemic. SAGE Open Medicine . 9. https://doi.org/10.1177/20503121211029187

“Communitas in Crisis”: An Autoethnography of Psychosis Under Lockdown
Fixsen, Alison 2021. “Communitas in Crisis”: An Autoethnography of Psychosis Under Lockdown. Qualitative Health Research. 31 (12), pp. 2340-2350. https://doi.org/10.1177/10497323211025247

How men step back – and recover – from suicide attempts: A relational and gendered account
Ridge, Damien T., Hannah Smith, Alison Fixsen, Broom, A. and Oliffe, J. 2020. How men step back – and recover – from suicide attempts: A relational and gendered account. Sociology of Health & Illness. 43 (1), pp. 238-252. https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-9566.13216

What are the key features of Orthorexia Nervosa and influences on its development? A qualitative investigation?
Cheshire, A., Berry, M. and Fixsen, Alison 2020. What are the key features of Orthorexia Nervosa and influences on its development? A qualitative investigation? Appetite. 155 104798. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.appet.2020.104798

Applying critical systems thinking to social prescribing: a relational model of stakeholder “buy-in”
Fixsen, Alison, Seers, H. and Polley, M.J. 2020. Applying critical systems thinking to social prescribing: a relational model of stakeholder “buy-in”. BMC Health Services Research. 20 (80) 580. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12913-020-05443-8

The Social Construction of a Concept- Orthorexia Nervosa: Morality Narratives and Psycho-politics
Fixsen, Alison, Cheshire, A. and Berry, M. 2020. The Social Construction of a Concept- Orthorexia Nervosa: Morality Narratives and Psycho-politics. Qualitative Health Research. 30 (7), pp. 1101-1113. https://doi.org/10.1177/1049732320911364

What does successful social prescribing look like? Mapping meaningful outcomes
Polley, M.J., Whiteside, J., Elnaschie, S. and Fixsen, Alison 2020. What does successful social prescribing look like? Mapping meaningful outcomes. London University of Westminster.

‘Momma bear wants to protect’: Vicarious parenting in practitioners working with disturbed and traumatised children
Alison Fixsen, Damien Ridge and Carys Evans 2020. ‘Momma bear wants to protect’: Vicarious parenting in practitioners working with disturbed and traumatised children. Counselling and Psychotherapy Research. 20 (4), pp. 680-688. https://doi.org/10.1002/capr.12285

Evaluation Report of the Social Prescribing Demonstrator Site in Shropshire – Final Report
Polley, M.J., Seers, H. and Fixsen, Alison 2019. Evaluation Report of the Social Prescribing Demonstrator Site in Shropshire – Final Report.

Shades of communitas: a study of soft skills programs
Fixsen, Alison and Ridge, Damien T. 2019. Shades of communitas: a study of soft skills programs. Journal of Contemporary Ethnography. 48 (4), pp. 510-537. https://doi.org/10.1177/0891241618792075

HRI Malta 2017—Cutting Edge Research in Homeopathy: HRI’s Third International Research Conference in Malta
Mosley, A.J., Roberts, E.R., Partington, H., Gaertner, K., Fisher, P., Lex Rutten, A.L.B., Mathie, R.T., Cartwright, S.J., Fixsen, Alison, Kokornaczyk, M.O., Sokol, A.M. and Tournier, A.L. 2018. HRI Malta 2017—Cutting Edge Research in Homeopathy: HRI’s Third International Research Conference in Malta. Homeopathy. 107 (1), pp. 50-54 107. https://doi.org/10.1055/s-0037-1609018

Homeopathy in the age of antimicrobial resistance: Is it a viable treatment for upper respiratory tract infections?
Fixsen, Alison 2018. Homeopathy in the age of antimicrobial resistance: Is it a viable treatment for upper respiratory tract infections? Homeopathy. 107 (2), pp. 99-114. https://doi.org/10.1055/s-0037-1621745

Self-care and entrepreneurism: An ethnography of soft skills development for higher education staff
Fixsen, Alison, Cranfield, S. and Ridge, Damien T. 2018. Self-care and entrepreneurism: An ethnography of soft skills development for higher education staff. Studies in Continuing Education. 40 (2), pp. 181-197. https://doi.org/10.1080/0158037X.2017.1418308

Mixing work with therapy: a work based autoethnography
Fixsen, Alison 2017. Mixing work with therapy: a work based autoethnography. Work Based Learning e-Journal International. 7 (1), pp. 40-63.

Stories of Hell and Healing: Internet Users’ Construction of Benzodiazepine Distress and Withdrawal
Fixsen, Alison and Ridge, Damien T. 2017. Stories of Hell and Healing: Internet Users’ Construction of Benzodiazepine Distress and Withdrawal. Qualitative Health Research. 27 (13), pp. 2030-2041. https://doi.org/10.1177/1049732317728053

Feeling Our Way: An ethnographic exploration of university staff experiences of ‘soft skills’ learning and development programmes
Fixsen, Alison 2017. Feeling Our Way: An ethnographic exploration of university staff experiences of ‘soft skills’ learning and development programmes. Prof Doc Thesis University of Westminster Leadership and Professional Development

Interaction Rituals and Jumbled Emotions Among “Relative Strangers”: Simulated Patient Work on a Trainee Complementary Therapy Practitioner Program
Fixsen, Alison, Ridge, Damien T., Kirkpatrick, S. and Foot, D. 2015. Interaction Rituals and Jumbled Emotions Among “Relative Strangers”: Simulated Patient Work on a Trainee Complementary Therapy Practitioner Program . Sage Open. pp. 1-12. https://doi.org/10.1177/2158244015595090

Should homeopathy be considered as part of a treatment strategy for otitis media with effusion in children?
Fixsen, Alison 2013. Should homeopathy be considered as part of a treatment strategy for otitis media with effusion in children? Homeopathy. 102 (2), pp. 145-50. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.homp.2013.01.004.004.

Performance, emotion work, and transition: challenging experiences of complementary therapy student practitioners commencing clinical practice
Fixsen, Alison and Ridge, Damien T. 2012. Performance, emotion work, and transition: challenging experiences of complementary therapy student practitioners commencing clinical practice. Qualitative Health Research. 22 (9), pp. 1163-1175. https://doi.org/10.1177/1049732312449213

Permalink - https://westminsterresearch.westminster.ac.uk/item/9677q/-i-m-not-waving-i-m-drowning-an-autoethnographical-exploration-of-biographical-disruption-and-reconstruction-during-recovery-from-prescribed-benzodiazepine-use


Share this

Usage statistics

346 total views
469 total downloads
These values cover views and downloads from WestminsterResearch and are for the period from September 2nd 2018, when this repository was created.